Madonna: MDNA

Welcome to Madonna's breakup album. Revelation of the day: Even if you're pop music royalty, and more famous than most prime ministers, you can still get your heart broken, and come out hurt and angry.

The best thing about the first lady of pop has always been her ability to be fresh, to be cutting edge, to serve up something that no one thought of doing. And to suddenly make whatever she did so cool that everyone wanted to be a part of it. 'Frozen' made Hindu mysticism cool, 'Don't Tell Me' made pop-star-does-country-track cool, and 'Confessions on a Dancefloor' was an out-and-out dance-music album that wasn't afraid to say so, miles before the Black Eyed Peas and David Guetta started dominating the charts with club and electronica.

For me, thought, that's the biggest element missing in this album: the freshness.In today's musical landscape, it doesn't stand out as anything different or exciting. It sounds predictable, studio-hashed and honestly, boring.

There's only one song that counters my critique, one shining spot of edginess on it for me, and that's the 5 minutes and 26 seconds called 'Gang Bang'. Sung by a woman who's just killed her husband - with a Southern accent, very nice touch! - I found it clever, dark and curious as hell. The lyrics are gorgeous ("Bitch out of order, Bat out of hell, Fish out of water, Scared, can't you tell?") and the delivery is suave. If the album's first single, 'Give Me All Your Luvin', was North, then this is as South as Antarctica (thank God!). I only wish there had been more of where that came from.


Sadly, though, the rest of the album is nothing to write home about. 'I'm Addicted', 'Some Girls', 'I don't Give A' are standard 21st century dancefloor fare, with a lot of post-marriage angst built in. It's great fodder for the media - lines like "Lawyers, suck it up, Didn't have a pre-nup" are doing the rounds - and there's loads more where that came from. But instead of coming across as sassy, to me it sounded lame. You're 53, mother of three kids, and this is your second divorce, and yet, you're out to sound like an angry 18 year old. Not cool. Then there's 'B-Day Song', where she's trying to be Brit and telling someone to lick the icing off her cake. Maybe she's trying to be cheeky and taking a dig at Mr Ritchie? By this stage, I really don't care.

Things get so bad that by the time I reach 'Give Me All Your Luvin', its sheer familiarity makes it sound almost good to me. That's when I realize how musically shallow this record is. (I reviewed the single when it first came out, and my opinion hasn't changed.)

If anything, the slower and more quiet numbers are the only place where I pause and listen. 'Masterpiece' has some depth, and 'Fallin Free' is pretty. 'I Fucked Up' is honest and makes you feel, for the first time, like she's stopped trying to be cool and is giving us an insight into what's really going on. It seems like Madonna's hurt comes out better, musically, than her anger.


In a career as stupendous as Madonna's, one or two average albums will get swept away, explained or forgotten. This is one such example. MDNA may sell a lot of records - I think that'll depend a lot on what songs the label decides to plug next; my advice: Avoid the dance nonsense - but even so, it's likely to be remembered for no other reason than because it was about Madonna's breakup with Guy Ritchie. And that will be that.

As a fan, I've already started waiting for the next album, in hopes that the edge that we know Madonna possesses will come out stronger next time around. For now, put this record back on the shelf, please.

Bruno Mars isn't Doo-Wopping Me

What is it about Bruno Mars?

On the surface of it, I can't fault him. The guy's got a great voice (yes, he can sing), an inherent charm which exudes in all his live performances and has dished out hit after hit in the last year or two. I spent the morning sampling "Doo Wops and Hooligans", and it reminded me of Katy Perry's Teenage Dreams: single after single that I've heard on the charts. He topped off a great year in which he sold millions of records by winning a Grammy for Best Male Vocalist.

But something's still not there for me.
Yes, the album is full of hits. But it lacks coherence. The common theme is boring, with Mars singing primarily about three things:
1. Meeting and then losing and then looking for a beautiful stranger (in a club, at a train station, wherever you please),
2. Love, how he's found the most beautiful woman in the world, and how it will last forever,
or 3. Heartbreak, and how it's such a bitch.

Make up your mind, man. Are you anti-relationships, pro-love or just trying to play something for everyone? And for God's sakes, stop singing like Michael Jackson. We know you made a living impersonating him when you were young, but it's time to shed that baggage.

I know a lot of people would disagree, but for me there's a certain je ne sais quoi missing in Bruno Mars, and I'm not a fan. As he exists today, I don't find him either relevant or entertaining enough to hold my attention for more than a few bars on the singles charts.

And in all objectivity, while the guy's popular, he hasn't had a 'great' hit yet, one that could cement him into musical history with more permanence than the thousands of pop artists who've gone before him. Maybe he'll get there - and if he does, I'll recant - but for the moment, he's plain old average for me.

John Mayer - Shadow Days

I pen this review without having heard this song as many times as I would like. So I'm covering my ass here, and leaving open the possibility of changing my views later.

But.
First single of the much-awaited new John Mayer album - out in May.
What do I think?

I think - reassuringly - it's a lot like the John Mayer I know and trust. Simple simple lyrics that are still just enough to be insightful. (Particularly poignant to those of us who are or were in a difficult relationship that we just want to make work out.) Same soft soothing tones. Same interesting guitar-work in the background.

Any surprises? The guitar is surprisingly country. I'm not sure it suits the song - maybe it's just Mayer's way of experimenting a bit. Also surprising that the guitar isn't as much as a hero as I would like in this song.

So overall prognosis is that it's pleasant. But not path-breaking. I hope the album's got more to offer (Mayer's albums usually have quiet little gems hidden in them which aren't obvious at a first listen).

Here's the studio release of the song. Judge for yourself.

The Arctic Monkeys - Black Treacle

Rock meets Indie meets English droll - and you have the Monkeys' new single.

You know what's so great about this track? It's so chilled out! It's so I-don't-give-a-fuck-let's-just-have-another-beer. It doesn't have higher purpose or even (in some parts) coherent meaning. It's whimsical, it's effortlessly sing-along-able and man, I like the guitar riff in the chorus!

(Listen to the track on YouTube here.)

And yet, it's not a synthetic bubble-gum pop song (with all respect to you, Ms Spears). There's a gruffness about, an honestly about it, that warms it to you.

When the Monkeys broke into the big league in 2005, it was an unconventional release of an even more unconventional album ("Whatever People Say, That's What I'm Not). They spent almost no money on promotion, because by the time they signed with a record company and the album released, the internet was flooded with their material, hosted off mostly fan sites.

I think the reason they got so many hits, though, was because in a world of increasingly manufactured music, this was a refreshing change. The Arctic Monkeys aren't trying to look like Madonna, dance like Michael Jackson or sound like Oasis. They're just honest. And I think that's where their appeal lies.

(Of course, I could be completely wrong. This could be a cleverly orchestrated farce, and secretly, they're as manufactured and managed a band as the rest of them!)

Apparently this is the forth single off an album already released last year ("Suck It and See It"). Mental note to self: Download IMMEDIATELY.

I was afraid that the Arctic Monkeys would remain one of those hidden musical treasures that only the island of the United Kingdom would ever know. Lucky for us that that's not the case. May they spread their I-don't-give-a-fuck-ness to many a shore!

Madonna: Give Me All Your Luvin

The hype was palpable, leading up to Superbowl this year. (The fact that I'm not American and yet can use the term Superbowl halftime show with ease should tell you something.) Madonna. New single. Old classics. Nicki Minaj. MIA. Even LMFAO.

And the hype didn't stop after the performance was done. Between MIA's middle finger, Madonna's eye-shadow and lips being smeared with grounded gold, and God know's what else, this performance - and, conveniently, the single - will be in the news for a while to come.

My verdict on the single:
I've heard better.


Maybe it's the fact that when Madonna performed it, it was part of a medley of her other great hits, and in comparison to Vogue and Like A Prayer, it sounded plastic, synthetic and factory-hashed.
(You can watch the Superbowl Halftime performance on YouTube here.)

Maybe it's the fact that Madonna spends the whole time in the music video trying to act like she's 22 instead 53, and the whole I'm-53-but-I've-got-a-killer-body trick is getting a little old. Or even the fact that compared to her, Nikki Minaj looked and sounded fresh and contemporary.
(You can check out the video on YouTube here.)

Maybe it's just that the song is too pop-esque (in all the wrong ways) for my taste, and I don't hear anything original in it, not even Madonna's style of singing.

Sum total: I'm not a fan.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the song will be a tremendous commercial success. I'm sure that the more it's piped on the radio, the more it'll get stuck in people's heads and I too will find myself humming it while loathing myself. And I can guarantee that most people I express this opinion to will think me stupid: It's the new Madonna single, man!

But it's not a good song.
It's factory-produced pop at its worst, and it will only sell because Madonna's singing it.

It's not that I have a Madonna bias. I like her, and I'd recommend a lot of her music (Ray of Light was interesting, Music was fun and Confessions on a Dancefloor was killer). Nor am I pop-hater - some of my favourite music in the world is pop. But even the mighty screw up sometimes - look no further than Hard Candy, Madge's forgettable attempt to inroad into hip-hop). And from the looks of it, MDNA isn't looking much brighter.

Tony Bennett's Duets 2 (2011)

So I know what most of you will think. Tony Bennett is a has-been. And even if in some circles he's a is-now, those are circles that your Americanized grandmother is more likely to appreciate.
But wait! Hold off your judgement for just one second, please.



Duets Part 2 is an album of collaborations. Which, I suspect, Tony Bennett made with the sole intention of becoming more relevant to a newer generation of listeners. And believe it or not, I think he took a decent shot. The artists he collaborates with include Faith Hill, Josh Groban, Norah Jones, Queen Latifah, Willie Nelson, Sheryl Crow, Aretha Franklin, Michael Buble, Amy Winehouse, John Mayer, Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey and Carie Underwood. That's a generation-relevant bunch by and large, wouldn't you say?

So I went into this album with an open mind and a little curiosity, to sample what one of swing music's greats had to offer. Here are my notes.

A warning to the uninitiated: Mr Bennett hasn't strayed away from his roots of jazz and swing. So if you're expecting him to break out in rhyme or collaborate with David Guetta, you'll be disappointed.  This is toe-tapping, not head-banging music.

The highlights of this album are clearly the songs featuring the artists who are either most versatile or those who have an inherent niche in this style of music.

Falling into the second category is most obviously Michael Buble, who always seemed to me to be born a few musical generations too late. He brings in fantastic energy and swagger on "Don't Get Around Much Anymore". I've heard that song before, but loved this version.

Also, Ms Winehouse sounds so at home on "Body and Soul", it's as if she could have cut this track all on her own and headlined a new album. I'm a big fan, and her vocals in this song reminded of how fantastic she was. And John Mayer is a smooth cat on "One for My Baby and One for the Road", with his velvety voice oozing charm through the microphone.

The stand-out track of this album, however, is Lady Gaga on "Lady is a Tramp". If you only have patience to listen to one song, try this one. Her versatility amazes me - she honestly sounds as original and bold and engaging on this song as on Born This Way. How does she do it?! Listen out especially for her accent rendition of "Won't go to Harlem in 'iamonds and pearls"!), it tickled me.

Other can-listens include Norah Jones' song "Speak Low", which is cute and romantic in a throw-back kind of way, and "On the Sunny Side of the Street" with Willie Nelson, which makes you want to tap your toes.

The rest of the tracks are forgettable at best, painful at worst. I discovered that swing tends to go from up-beat to excruciatingly slow pretty fast. I found it best to avoid the Bocelli duet (far too soppy, predictable, and long-drawn out for my taste), the Josh Groban and Mariah Carey contributions (both a bit slow, but at least beautiful vocals by both heavy-weight contributors), and Queen Latifah's 'Who I Can Turn To' (which pretty much put me to sleep).

So, in sum: Is this is something you must go out and listen to now? No. But is this an easy way to sample a style of music you probably haven't before? Sure. There's enough really interesting stuff in this to justify a listen, particularly if you're of the more musically curious inclination.

Coldplay's Mylo Xyloto (2011)

By Coldplay standards, I’d rank Mylo Xyloto as one of their happier endeavors. The album’s mostly alive, full of beat and kick and cheerful. It’s fresh, it’s unlike much I’ve heard before, and that’s what I enjoyed about it. I read somewhere that American graffiti was one of the influences for this album, and I can see why. It's edgy and colourful. And no, it's not a pop album.

Mylo Xyloto is, above all else, an interesting listen. The songs don’t all sound the same, and you can happily loop it over and over again without getting fatigued. I have to credit Coldplay for doing something so different to what I expected they would. It sounds like Coldplay, and yet it doesn’t. To move away from a successful sound that’s worked before into something new takes balls. Well done, guys!

I’ve done a track by track review below, but for anyone who’s not interested in that much detail, here are my favourite picks: Up in Flames, Us Against the World, both stripped down, simple and beautiful; and Princess of China and Every Teardrop is a Waterfall for their beat, energy and edginess.

Track 1: Mylo Xyloto (interlude)

Track 2: Hurts Like Heaven

Hurts like Heaven sounds to me like Coldplay’s version of an Eighties Pop song. It’s bouncy, dancey, and has an electric guitar riff in the middle that doesn’t really belong there! And oh, the lyrics make little sense. That being said, I actually like it – a lot. It’s full of energy, moonbeams and smiley faces – and everyone needs a happy little song every so often, don’t you think?

Track 3: Paradise

Paradise is likely to do very well on the charts. It’s got that “gets stuck in your head” quality all chart toppers imbibe, it’s the kind of song you can sing along to, and has a pleasant feel to it. I’m not blown away by it – I mean yes, I like it, but would I call it one of the great Coldplay tracks? I don’t think so.

Track 4: Charlie Brown

Now this song, I do like. It’s got an odd chanting thing going on at the back (that sounds a bit like chipmunks trying to be Buddhist Monks, if you ask me) before it breaks into a louder instrumentation. But it stood out for me because of the largeness of this song. The swoosh as the chorus comes up (which is more a set of notes rather than

Track 5: Us Against the World

Easily one of the best songs of the album, the beauty of ‘Up Against the World’ is its simplicity. To me, it’s a song about a relationship, one that may or may not be working. ‘Through chaos as it swirls, it’s us against the world’ – there’s an example of the stripped down, simple lyrics, accompanied by nothing much except Martin’s voice and quiet instrumentation. Instant Coldplay classic, for me.

Track 6: MMIX

Musical interlude into The track of the album, Every Tears a Waterfall.

Track 7: Every Tear’s a Waterfall

Sure, it’s been overplayed on the radio. Sure, it’s more dancey than the purist fans would have liked. Sure, it could be very mainstream. But for me, this song is rainbows and sunshine, and I unabashedly love it. It reminds me that the world is a beautiful place, and it puts a smile on my face. What’s it about? Who knows, and who cares? The hero for me is the percussion in this song, that bounces out of your headphones and gets you moving. Bravo Coldplay, for attempting something different and succeeding beautifully!

Track 8: Major Minus

If the intent of putting Major Minus straight after Every Teardrop was to bring the mood down, it succeeds. No, it’s not a boring song – in fact, quite the opposite. It’s Coldplay doing hiphop, in a nutshell. It’s dark, combative and aggressive. Not particularly my cup of tea, but I’ll give them credit for experimentation. I just don’t think it worked as well on this track.

Track 9: UFO

UFO is acoustic and minimalist song, and uncharacteristically short (just over two minutes). It’s pleasant to listen to, but on some level I just don’t get it. Maybe we’re not meant to.

Track 10: Princess of China

If I had to pick what I considered to be the cleverest song of the album, Princess of China would win hands down. Again, hip hop influence is evident here in the beat, but it works better than Major Minus. And then Rihanna comes in, and twists the song in a whole new way, to me. I was never a fan of hers, but I LOVE her in this song. She’s soulful, edgy and emotional all at once. Martin and her harmonize superbly, and the result is a fantastical and sad love story that ended. Fantastic track.

Track 11: Up in Flames

What an exquisite song. What simplicity, in percussion, instrumentation, lyric and voice. What pain. This will go down as Coldplay’s all-time classics, for me.

Track 12: A Hopeful Transmission (interlude)

Track 13: Don’t’ Let it Break Your Heart

This sounds more like the Coldplay of old. To me, this could have easily been an extra track left off X&Y. Pleasant, but nothing to write home about, for me.

Track 14: Up with the Birds

Wasn’t this a weird track. I didn’t understand it, and I’m not sure I really wanted to.